Its amazing to me to see how many people love her. Essentially, it’s a manifestation of how others feel about me.
Meet our rockstar mom of the week, Tova and her daughter Harper. Tova is a mom, teacher, poet, organizer, and photographer. Here she tells us how to keep things in perspective while charting milestones and returning to work post baby. She also shares her philosophies on motherhood and how to allow your child to be their own little person. Please welcome Tova to our mommy roundtable! Enjoy.
Q: What were your expectations of becoming a mom?
I didnt have any. I was brought up with you are a girl so you have to do certain things. I thought this is an opportunity to break a cycle of self hate through traditions of what others thought girls should be. I wanted her to respect her own interests not what others wanted her to be. It was important for me to let her be her own person and respect her own agency not those of others.
I knew motherhood would be hard but hard in different ways I knew that I would be okay. I love hanging out with it my kid. When you’re pregnant all you hear is bad shit so I was really scared. It didn’t help when I watched baby stories and they had you thinking child is deformed and c-section. Giving birth was crazy it also made me think the worst because I seemed to be signing my life away in a hospital bed during my contractions.
How did you feel about returning to work after having your baby? What advice would you give other moms doing the same?
Knowing that I would leave her was hard. You also feel guilty that you’re not home because you want to be taking care of your kid. I had a lot of guilt and thoughts in my head about whether she would eventually forget about me.
I got through it though because as a school teacher is cool long breaks spend time with her and for major holidays when older cool adventures.
Its like watching a flower that you planted grow. If you are not there to watch it grow you feel guilty or like a bad person.
Q: What would you tell a first time mom?
You are doing a good job, don’t give up because we make mistakes just keep going and don’t give up.
When people give advice take it with a grain of salt. Everyone will have advice but at the end of it, this is your baby and its your rules. This is your game, you’re the mom and you know what’s best.
Make sure that you have good support and family that will swoop in when you need a break. It will get easier just make sure you have people around that can take care of you.
What do you like most about being mom?
I love the fact that having her means that I have the ability to make things and to create life. Its also a cool experience to see the world through her eyes. The other day we just started feeding her single fruits. We gave her pears and she loved it. Her eyes got all big like her whole world had just opened up.
How do you chart your baby’s milestones?
There is an app called Wonder Weeks that also translates into a Facebook group that helps you keep track. It sounds simple but literally every baby grows different some short and others fat. You have to remember that when you use all these apps because you will miss all the cool stuff they do.
Milestones are just suggestions. When you are pregnant you find out about development that the baby should have. Whether late or on time the baby comes when the baby wants because they are on their own time. You are just here for the ride!
Want more from Tova?
Check her out her out curating her daughters Instagram page @blaque_harper. Follow her and stay tuned for more cuteness!